Hey now, how are you friends? Welcome back to the Garden Club.
Hope you are well on this lovely -almost end of September- day. I’ve been thinking lots about change. I’ve had experiences with change that have been wanted and wonderful and others that have been unwanted and painful. Both, the wanted & wonderful and unwanted & painful, have been uncomfortable.
Change is uncomfortable. Have you ever moved homes because you wanted to move? Maybe you are upgrading or just have a better space, whatever it may be, you still HAVE TO pack up all your things, still have to clean, still have to live out of boxes for a while and still your regular routine is disrupted for a time - even though it is a good thing it still has moments of discomfort.
Now imagine if it is an unwanted change?! How much more static will there be because we are probably facing this change with resistance and apprehension and when we face things in this way, don’t they feel all that heavier? All to say, change is not easy whichever way you look at it.
Are you facing a change? If so, here are a few things you can put in your tool kit when the hard emotions come up. I’ve separated these by a wanted change and an unwanted change. Let me know your thoughts on these!
- This doesn’t take away from the excitement - two things can coexist at once. Sometimes when there is a positive change coming and we feel annoyed because of the things that we have to do, we can guilt ourselves or feel bad about ourselves because we claim if we were really grateful we wouldn’t feel this way. It’s okay. You can feel 100% grateful and still feel tired because of all the little details and the additional things that are on your to do list. There is grace and compassion for yourself.
- Not everything can be planned for but you can try your best to prepare beforehand to clear some mind space. Try to take time to sit down - plan out your day or your week. Personally, if I am going to have a busy day/week it helps to break down the day by the hour. This helps keep me on track and I can also note when I have free time during my day.
- Planning things out can help to better identify when you will need help and when you’ll need to reach out and ask for help. Ooof this one - I can write a whole book about. It is so hard for some of us to ask for help because we have held the belief that we SHOULD be able to do things on our own. We SHOULDN’T need help. SHOULD SHOULD SHOULD. Get rid of that should and in a season of change, know you definitely will need help. We were created to live life in community in our highs and in our lows. If in our highs we still need community, how much more will we need it during a time of change? Ask for help, there is strength in doing this, trust me.
- This one. Okay, even if you are happy with the change that is occurring, you're #gratefulthankfulblessed - love that for you and still amidst the excitement you still need time to center yourself, practice that gratitude by being still, getting outside, scheduling a picnic in nature, still engaging in your morning devotional, meditation, whatever that looks like for you. Remember to be the best version of yourself, pause and fill your cup.
UNWANTED CHANGE - you may note that some of the recs overlap.
- We often think that grieving is only needed when someone has died. This is not true, things die, they come to an end and we need time and space to mourn and grieve. Is it the end of a relationship? Maybe you’re leaving the job you were at for years. Perhaps it’s a friendship or relocation? Take the time to grieve, what did this mean to you? What did you appreciate from it? What did you learn? What will you miss? What makes this difficult?
- Really, don’t skip this part. It is easy to want to avoid these feelings or almost feel like you don’t know how to “do it,” really though it just means not rushing through the emotions that come up, honor them, and name them.
- These are not in order, acceptance may be hard for someone to do right away. In my experience with my mother’s death and having to leave the home we shared, it was hard for me to accept that and it did not happen quickly but when I surrendered my resistance to it, a weight came off me too. So this one may take time, no shame in that. I made connections to things that I could take from my home with my mom, tangible things that I could remember her by and this helped. As someone who knows what the weight of resisting a change can feel like, I hope that the surrender of it can come soon.
- This is like the one I shared in the “Wanted” section. Often when an unwanted change occurs it can leave us feeling powerless and out of control. Planning your days can give you a sense of power and control over unwanted change. It can be a sense of normalcy because you know what to expect next and, for the most part, you know what your day will look like. When unwanted change occurs, it can shake our routines, so planning for what you can will help with building a sense of routine.
- Planning things out can help to better identify when you will need help and when you’ll need to reach out and ask for help. For us facing an unwanted change, it can be hard to reach out for help for different reasons. It can be difficult when nobody knows about the change you are facing, shame can creep into your thoughts, “what will they think?; What will they say?; They will feel bad for me.” We can have the mindset that people will only feel bad for us and we don’t want sympathy from people. In these moments, try to stop those thoughts by reminding yourself that it takes courage to ask for help, it takes strengths to reach out. Ask yourself, if you were a little child asking for help, would you still say these things about yourself? Would you think the same way?
In unwanted change, sometimes time alone is needed and other times time with friends is needed. I am not adding it as a point here because, personally, I spent so much time on my own when I went through unwanted change. I didn't really want to be around anyone. If you catch yourself doing the same thing, it may be a good idea to make time to be around people you trust and can pour into you. Think about it.
Well, I hope that was not too long for you. If you found it helpful, feel free to just @worthysoil a DM and let me know.
Thinking of you,