Recently, I’ve felt the push to write to my mom. I thought I could share this one with you. If you are missing someone in your life - it’s okay. My mom died in 2017 and although the years have passed, I still miss her - I still think of her - just because years have passed doesn’t mean you can’t miss your loved one’s anymore. Sending love to those who need it, Dini.
I know that in my mind I speak to you in Spanish, the best way I can express myself is in English so I’m going to write this up in English.
There are moments where I catch myself thinking of you or being reminded of you. This past weekend, we were taking pictures for Worthy Soil and as I was looking at the pictures I noticed my hands and I was reminded of you. My hands are just like yours, long skinny wrinkly fingers. Any other time I would be like “ugh, my hands” but in that very moment I saw you, I saw your hands and I smiled.
That same day I was running my hands through my hair. I actually brought this up to Oswaldo, and I asked him if he ever feels on his scalp? He said yeah, then I asked if he ever felt different dips or bumps on his scalp. Random, I know but these are the things I think about sometimes - I can hear you saying “ay Dini, que raras tus preguntas.” LOL. Truth is, whenever I run my hands through my hair and touch my scalp I think of you, I remember you. Those last months and weeks where we would comb your hair, pray over you as we gently held you. I shared with Oswaldo how bumps started to come out on your scalp as the cancer progressed. I think about that sometimes too, I hate that that happened to you. I know it was uncomfortable. I hate cancer. I miss running my hands through your beautiful hair. Kezi has your hair texture, it’s wild and it’s beautiful. How I miss you.
Every time I do much of anything, I think of you. You raised me, you were my first best friend. How could I not think of you each day? I am so thankful for how I grew to know your voice. Any time it takes me longer than 2 moves to parallel park I can hear your voice letting me know what I need to do to get it right. Any time I forget to take my vitamins or drink enough water, I can hear you reminding me. Any time I do something silly, it’s your voice that I hear laughing with me. I am thankful that I internalized your voice. Until we meet again, I’ll keep these reminders, I’ll keep your voice with me.
Te amo, mami!
Dini - tu favorita.